I'm not a big reader. I'm more auditory as far as learning, but I've been reading Rob Bell's Sex God while here in Chile. Check out this quote paraphrased. "Gratitude is so central to the life God made for us. Until we can center ourselves on what we do have [rather than why we lack or desire], on what God has given us, on the life we do get to live, we'll constantly be looking for another life..." p74.
Although this chapter is talking about lust, I see the concept as so much more. Imagine it for a purity of heart and mind. I imagined applying this to my future. Am I really going to trust God about this? I hope and dream for so much. Yet the plans in my head are idols and all vanity if they are my own.
This is life: seeking God, casting down your idols, casting down your other lovers... dying to self... dying to your vain hopes and dreams. In this type of death, there is true life.
Ironically, this song came to my mind. This band holds weird memories for me. There is so much about them, about their lyrics, that I don't understand. There is so much about that time in my life, that I didn't understand... and still don't. It's a definitely thing of my past.
Emery - bloodless
The world of the heart: todavia.
The physical world:
I currently live in three cities. One: the house of my parents, in which my sister and brother will be visiting when I return to them. Two: my apartment, in which I will come home to two loving roommates with two fiances, dishes in the sink, and a miniature piano in the living room. Three: my current location is a bleached clean and frigid apartment in Santiago, Chile. I've never laughed so much in my life. I think my brain and mind cannot see ahead to where I am going. Mentally I cannot prepare to go either of my homes. I can't yet prepare for the conversations I'll get to have.
The future mind:
I can't even prepare for next semester mentally. There are many questions... I don't think I know what I want to do about living arrangements, about what to pursue class-wise and other wise, about graduation and post graduation. I don't really need an answer though. I don't want one right now.
My dad always says "find joy in the journey". And my first phrase in spanish that really stuck with me was "paso a paso y se va lejos". I feel like those two can be summed up with "trust me and walk"
I ran across this song today. Seems totes appropes for today. Ahhh... For Today.
Aftermath
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| Feliz Culplea, Jil. Happy Birthday, Jil. |
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